Bad Teacher- how we all wish 7th grade was actually like this

Bad Teacher is a raunchy make soda come out of your nose poop your pants randomly kind of movie featuring Cameron Diaz as Elizabeth Halsey, a half assing middle school teacher who was kicked out of her sugar daddy's home and is on her own. She wants to get breast implants so she can attract another very wealthy man to fill her money needing void. At school she meets a substitute teacher (Justin Timberlake) who happens to be a billionaire... why he is substitute teaching for like an entire year is beyond me. So the story shifts from her to needing fake tits to get any guy to needing fake tits to get JT.

This movie is exactly what you would think a movie about getting fake tits would be. It really has no story line at all, but lets be real we don't go to see a movie like this for captivating story now do we? From the get go this movie is about crude over the top comedy. There is an abundance of dick sucking jokes and several other sexual innuendos within the first opening scene of the movie. All of which are pretty funny, crude, but funny. Actually the whole movie is a bunch o sex jokes, mixed with a lot more sex jokes, mixed with a pair of soiled jeans... This is one of those movies that is hard to give a grade to. Its a comedy that doesn't try to make you think *cough* Funny People *cough* it's a movie that makes you wanna laugh at its inappropriate-nes and its raw humor. It's a movie where times you may feel a little awkward, but that just means its sticking true to its guns. So the bottom line is if you have no moral issues with watching a movie about getting some plastic titties and dry humping, Bad Teacher is actually pretty funny. The jokes are well timed and the acting is perfect for the type of movie. I cant give this movie a letter grade (even though it centers around school... that feels weird actually), but i will recommend it if you like crude and raunchy humor (more like Hangover raunchy not Scary Movie raunchy)   

GO SEE IT IF YOU CAN READ THIS COMFORTABLY:

PENIS!!!!!!!!!!  

Super 8- Its Totally Mint

Super 8 is Steven Spielberg's latest extraterrestrial movie, but it has a unique feel that isn't necessarily in other movies he's done in the genre, a definite cudos to JJ Abrams for that. The film follows a group of middle school kids during the summer of 1979 who are making a zombie movie on their super 8 cameras for a local film contest. Filming one of their big "production value" scenes at a train station at midnight the kids witness a horrific train crash and swear to keep mum on the whole thing. The train crash is followed up by an increase in military presence in the town near the station and a series of strange occurrences followed by even more military presence all for this creature that was being transported on the train. As the movie progresses you get a better understanding of the alien's origin and why the government is in such a haste to get it back. There are also several sub plots that don't really contribute to the overall story but make it far more dramatic than without.

I found this movie to be very entertaining, starting with the group of kids. This group is the essence of everyone's friends at some point in life. You've got the chubby kid who, despite being the brunt of everybody's jokes comes up with all the ideas, you've got the tall kinda dumb kid who takes the deflections of the chubby jokes, you've got that weird friend who is obsessed with destroying things and you've got the one friend who kinda acts as the glue in the group. The kids are always cracking jokes, swearing randomly because there's no parents around, the actors they have filling these rolls did a fantastic job of being kids, not acting like ones.
Also Elle Fanning (Dakota Fanning's little sister) plays a roll in the film, and might i say thank God for not following in her sisters footsteps and making an early living on high pitch screams.


Its just the end of the world...


Moving on, the story up to the end is pretty good, I think its hard to fail an alien government cover up story. Super 8 had a very intriguing plot, it keeps you guessing, it reveals bits and pieces here and there forcing you to pay attention but making it quite enjoyable throughout. The visuals and sound in the film are excellent; from every explosion to the train crash, it gives you a sense of actually being there. My one gripe with the film is how they ended the movie. I wont give any spoilers, but take ET and replace it with a much more vicious alien that does not ride a bike and eat reeses pieces just does not sit well with me.

Over all Super 8 is a solid, and fun movie that can connect to all demographics. I do wish the ending would have gone in a different direction, but it does not hurt the movie that much. I give this film a B

                                                                    B

 Side note-- I'd like to here advocate to everyone to stay during the credits, a lot of movies nowadays put tidbits of things after or during the credits that shed light on things in the movie, or are just plain old fun. In this, half way through the credits you get to see the kids final product they had been working on all summer... and its worth the extra 5 minutes of sitting.

apology for my grammar

 im better at speaking english than I am typing it.

ill start having people proofread my stuff first.

Green Lantern- Don't Knock What You Don't Know

So, this is my first review, And I decided to go with Green Lantern.

The movie centers around Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds), a test pilot who is pretty much a screw up in life. But he does one thing well: fly. At any given moment he will push the boundaries of flight, feeling that living in the shadow of his late father leaves him with expectations he must fulfill. To the other half of the story is the Lantern Corps. established by a high council of sorts they are protectors of the universe. Each assigned a specific sector to guard, they draw their power from the will of every living creature in the galaxy, from that the energy is used through a ring and the user can create anything his or her mind can imagine through it. The Jordan's path crosses with the Lantern Corps when the defender of the sector that earth is in dies. The ring he is wearing must select a replacement and it chooses Jordan. From there the movie becomes the story of Hal Jordan confronting his own fears his own fears and embracing the ideals of the Lantern Corps all while he must save earth from an intergalactic demon that feeds off of creatures fear.


You try wearing this suit and keep a good sense of humor


Personally I enjoyed the movie very much. A lot of the reviews I have come across have tried to say that the movie had no substance, was childish, and tried to distract you with CG effects. I have to disagree with all these points. First, it is a film based on a comic book, and if you have read a single Green Lantern comic you know the character of Hal Jordan isn't Mr. Serious, hes a maverick. (actually come to think of it he would have fit right in with Goose and the fellas at Top Gun) Casting Ryan Reynolds for the part was perfect, and he nailed the character. Then the story line itself is not very childish when you look at it. It's about accepting that you're not invincible, and people are always afraid. It's about overcoming those boundaries and doing things you didn't once believe you were capable of. There are a few parts that don't make sense, but they do not take anything away from the actual movie. As for the CG... it was done well, it did not feel like it was being used as a distraction but a tool, I mean you can't make a fishman alien that walks like a half goat with out some computer aid.  Its a tool, not a crutch.

All in all it's a solid action/ adventure movie. The comedy is on point, the parts of the movie that pluck at your   heart are timed right, and it had my leaning foreword focusing on the story through and through. My final grade of this movie is a B+ Solid and entertaining and worth seeing in theaters


                                                              B+  



A side note I'd like to add for those of you who did already see it and have the complaints about Sinestro... stay until after the credits, and wait for a sequel. This movie wasn't about him.

Why Roger Ebert pushed me to this...

So consider this my opening blog post. It's not a movie review but more of a review of the movie review community. Movies have and will always follow a simple formula: good movies are good, and bad movies are bad. Some people have differing tastes, but one can tell the difference between a good down to earth film... and Battlefield Earth. Which brings me to my point, movie critics today give reviews to movies I'm not sure they understand. You cant have Roger Ebert giving solid reviews on movies along the line of Green Lantern  or The Hangover. Its like telling Gordon Ramsey to go into Togo's and give his opinion on the food. So I'v decided to create the average joe everyday moviegoer reviews... that are awesome, and don't suck.